My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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