your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
