dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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