We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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