I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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