ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
