I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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