Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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