we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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