and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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