Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize