Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize