he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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