come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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