Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
