It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
