i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
