does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
