and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
