don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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