My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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