come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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