just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
