Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
