remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
