The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
