he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize