I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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