well I can't set my house on fire every night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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