i need an iv and a liver transplant
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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