My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
