so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
