It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
