oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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