This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
