is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
