it hurts more in the daytime
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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