Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
