I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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