i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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