At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
