none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
