Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
