i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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