dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
