new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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