i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
