So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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