textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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