listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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