hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
