I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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