Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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