God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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