Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
