1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
