can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
