never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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