If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
