Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
